Don't Tell Me
by Renenet
Summary: Set after season five's "Crush" -- Buffy comes to terms with Spike


TITLE: Don't Tell Me [1/1]  
AUTHOR: Samantha McCullah  
EMAIL: kali_neba@hotmail.com  
DISTRIBUTION: Ask first, please.  
SPOILERS: **CRUSH**  
RATING/CONTENT: PG, Buffy/Spike  
SUMMARY: Buffy's tossing and turning.  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Joss's. The song is Madonna's.  
NOTE: In response to TQ's 'Crush' challenge. I should be studying for an   
American History midterm, but instead I'm exorcising demons.  
  
DEDICATED to David Fury, because he's actually strengthened the Buffy/Spike   
cause by giving us something to rally against. Thanks :)!  
  
Tell the sun not to shine  
Not to get up this time  
Let it fall by the way  
Leave me where I lay down  
  
At first she just thought the room was too bright, so she'd gotten up and   
closed her blinds blocking out the streetlight. Then it was because Buffy   
could swear she could hear Dawn breathing from across the hall. She got up,   
closed her sister's door, and climbed back in bed.  
  
But she was still wide-awake.  
  
Growling, she pulled the comforter over head. "This is so not fair. At all."  
  
Usually she'd just get up and do a quick sweep of the neighborhood, but not   
tonight. Tonight he could be standing under her window, watching her with   
those way-too-expressive eyes. And that was not something she wanted to   
face again.  
  
That look had nearly killed her the first time she'd seen it, as she'd   
closed the door in his face. It had taken every ounce of that thing which   
made her the Slayer not to pull the door open and invite him in again.  
  
If Dawn hadn't been standing just in front of her after she'd closed the   
door, staring at her with a very smug look on her face, Buffy would have   
broken down right then. But she wasn't going to give the little brat the   
satisfaction.  
  
"If she hadn't told me..." Buffy whispered, rolling over and burying her   
face in her pillow. Before she could finish that thought a knock came from   
her door. "What?" she called out hoping, whoever it was would just go away.   
Instead, the door opened and Dawn stepped into her room.  
  
"Can't sleep either, huh?" her little sister asked, coming over and sitting   
on the edge of Buffy's bed. Buffy rose to a sitting position, bringing her   
knees up to her chest, to make room for Dawn.  
  
"No, because annoying little sister's keep knocking on my door waking me up."  
  
"I heard you talking, Buffy. You were awake before I came in," Dawn said.   
Her eyes lit up. "You were thinking about him, weren't you?"  
  
"No!" Buffy denied, immediately. "Well, yes, but only about the ways I'm   
gonna kill him." Buffy cocked her head. "And you, if you so much as mutter   
the word 'invited' around him, got it?"  
  
"Please, you wouldn't hurt me. Mom would kill you herself," Dawn said,   
grinning.  
  
"Dawn, he's a killer, and I don't want him in this house!"  
  
"And what if I do? Or what if Mom does?" Dawn sighed. "Yours isn't the only   
opinion on this. You aren't the only person living in this house, you know."  
  
"Exactly. If he gets this chip out--"  
  
"He's had free reign of this house for three years, Buffy, and he never   
tried to kill me or Mom, not even when he was after than Gem thing. And he   
could have too." Dawn glared at her sister. "You were too busy worrying   
about that Parker guy to even ask what was going on at this house. He could   
have killed us all, and you wouldn't have even known for weeks."  
  
"That's beside the point, Dawn," Buffy began, but Dawn held up a hand to   
silence her.  
  
"I'm not done," she stated, "Killing me and Mom or Xander or Giles or   
Willow is not Spike's style. Never has been. Angel, on the other hand,   
probably would have done it without hesitation if he was in Spike's place."  
  
"Don't bring Angel into this," Buffy said, venom in her voice as she glared   
at Dawn.  
  
"Why can't I? Obviously you already have."  
  
"Dawn...."  
  
"Every guy you meet is automatically compared to Angel, and every one of   
them falls short. It happened with Riley, it's happening with Spike."  
  
"Spike is not Angel, and never could hope to be," Buffy stated.  
  
"Exactly. But you want him to be. Newsflash, Spike loves you in more ways   
than Angel could. Why can't you see that?" Dawn shook her head. "I'm going   
to get some milk. Do you want to come with me to make sure Glory's not   
lurking in the downstairs bathroom?"  
  
"When did you get so stubborn?" Buffy asked, dropping back against the bed.  
  
"I'm a Summers. It runs in the family," Dawn said, rising to her feet and   
heading towards the door.  
  
"Dawn, I can't love Spike like he wants. It's just wrong."  
  
"Maybe," her sister replied, glancing over her shoulder. "But think about   
what you could lose if it's not." With that Dawn walked out, closing the   
door behind her. Buffy forced a sigh out through clenched teeth, pushing   
the blanket off of her.  
  
"I'm going to regret this," she muttered, rising and grabbing her coat off   
the chair. "I'm so going to regret this." She grabbed a stake, almost a   
second thought, pushing it into her pocket. After putting a pair of tennis   
shoes on and pulling the coat on her over her pajamas, she walked out her   
door and down the stairs.  
  
"Tell Spike hi for me, okay?" Dawn stated, leaning on the doorframe from   
the living room.  
  
"You're annoying," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"But it worked, didn't it?" Buffy didn't reply, instead opening the door   
and walking out into the night.  
  
*************  
  
Thankfully, he hadn't been dreaming.  
  
Knowing the current state of his dreams, it was not a physical condition he   
wanted the Slayer to know about, especially now. So, he was very thankful   
that, when Buffy poked him in the arm with the blunt end of a stake to wake   
him up, all parts were where they should have been.  
  
"What do you want now, Summers? Little Dawny having nightmares?" Buffy   
didn't respond, only stared at him. "Oh, I get it. You came all this way,   
in your jammies no less, to let me know you're giving me the silent   
treatment." Spike rolled off the top of the coffin. "Well, point received.   
Now, leave."  
  
"No. I want answers," she finally demanded.  
  
"You made it perfectly clear, Slayer, that I was not welcome in your home.   
Now, you are not welcome in mine," he growled. "Leave."  
  
"No."  
  
"Stubborn bint, leave. You are not welcome here."  
  
"I know that," she stated, sighing. "Damnit, Spike, I'm trying to be civil."  
  
"No, you're waking a bloke up after a very trying night and trying to   
understand why you hate him so bloody much. Civil does not factor into it."  
  
"I just want to know why."  
  
"Well, I don't know. There. Question answered. You can see the door from   
there. You don't need me to show you out."  
  
"That's not an answer, Spike."  
  
"Does it matter, Buffy?" He leaned against the coffin, pulling a cigarette   
out of his pocket. "What's the matter, love? Can't sleep?" He stepped over   
to her, pressing his cheek against hers, and breathed, "Good."  
  
Buffy pushed him violently, falling instantly into a fighting stance,   
bringing the stake up to bear. "You're an ass."  
  
"And you're a bitch. I guess that makes us even." He placed the cigarette   
in his mouth and lit it. "I don't get you, Summers. You spend a great deal   
of today making it perfectly clear that you do not want me in your life.   
Then you seek me out for 'answers'." He pulled the cigarette out of his   
mouth and stared at the smoldering tip. "What do you want from me, Buffy?"   
he asked softly, almost to himself.  
  
"I just....I need to know why, Spike. I'm trying to understand what's going   
on," she replied, just as quietly. He blinked at her, head cocked.  
  
"I told you, I don't know. It just happened." He sighed, leaning back   
against the coffin again. "Maybe the way your hair bounces or the fact that   
after Harm, you're a breath of non-bimbo-y air. Most of the time." The   
cigarette was almost burned to his fingers, and he dropped it on the   
ground. "But even at your worst, you're still insufferably cute." His eyes   
remained fixed on the still burning cigarette slowly turning to ash on the   
floor. "I wish that I still wanted you dead. That was an emotion I could   
handle."  
  
Buffy wrapped her arms around her body, suddenly cold. "I can't love you,   
Spike," she said, her voice softer than she'd intended.  
  
"You just keep on telling yourself that you hate me," he smirked, "Maybe,   
just maybe, you'll start to believe it." She rolled her eyes, turning away   
from him.  
  
"I hate you," she replied, shaking her head.  
  
"And I'm all you got," he said in return. She turned back to him, a tiny   
smile on her face.  
  
"Dawn says 'hi'. For some reason, she tolerates you." Spike blinked at her.  
  
"Tell the little nibblet that I say hello to her, too." Buffy nodded,   
faintly at that. "Oh, and tell her that she's always welcome here no matter   
what Big Sis says." Buffy rolled her eyes again, turning back to the door.   
Spike crawled back up on top of the coffin and pulled the raggedy blanket   
back up over him when Buffy called out his name.  
  
"What now, Buffy? Some parting shot you just have to get in?"  
  
"No. I-I just want to say thank you, and, for what it's worth, I'm sorry."   
He heard the crypt door open, and she called out one more time, "Good   
night. Or day. Or whatever." Then her footsteps walked outside the door   
clanging shut behind her. A small smile flitted across Spike's face as he   
began to drift off to sleep.  
  
"I love you, Buffy."  
  
Tell me love isn't true  
It's just something that we do  
Tell me everything I'm not  
But please don't tell me to stop  
  
**FIN** 


End file.
